the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize