fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize