Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize