I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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