to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
