Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
