Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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