I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
