So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
