Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
