yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
