please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
