you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
