im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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