So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
