There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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