just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
