the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
