3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
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Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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