Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
