So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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