woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
