Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
