Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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