Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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