THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
