That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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