Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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