I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
