My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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