You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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