Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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