So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
