I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
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I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize