And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
