the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
