this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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