my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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