I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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