youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
