I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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