So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
