You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
