i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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