you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize