I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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