3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize