Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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