I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
