Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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