Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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