I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
