You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
