About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I have post one night stand depression
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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