I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
