I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I FOUND THE LEGS
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
