Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
