okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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