you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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