i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
