ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
