My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
