dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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