I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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