If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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