i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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