I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
