these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
