I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
