sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
